Ego: Identity and Separation

We can understand the ego in many different ways, but I like to think of it as the part of us that sees the world mainly from the perspective of me.

My identity. My needs. My fears. My successes. My failures. What others think about me.

And we need this sense of self. It helps us create boundaries, protect ourselves and navigate the world. The ego can be incredibly useful when we need to protect our physical or mental wellbeing, stand up for ourselves or remove ourselves from a situation that isn't good for us. It can feel like fire.

But very often, the ego isn't protecting our wellbeing. Instead, it is protecting the identity that we have created around ourselves.

The I.

I am a yoga teacher. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a dog owner. I am good at X and I am not good Y.

And once we become attached to these ideas about who we are, we might start measuring our worth through them and through the measures the world gives us.

When we become too attached to these identities, our perception can become clouded. We mistake our small, isolated self for the ultimate reality or truth. 

And then we start to compare ourselves.

I know more. I am better at this. I am more successful. I am more experienced. Or the opposite: I am not good at this. Others are better.

The stronger the I becomes, the easier it is to create separation between ourselves and others.

Maybe we're curious about trying something new, but we're afraid we'll fail. Maybe we avoid doing something because we think we are not good at it.

There is no real danger here. But there might be a risk of "embarrassment" or "failure".

And the ego doesn't particularly like that.

It can make curiosity, vulnerability and exploring something new feel unsafe. It might tell us: Don't do that. You're going to embarrass yourself. What if you're not good at it? What will people think?

And by trying to protect the identity we already know, we might close ourselves off from discovering something new about ourselves and connecting more openly with others.

This is why I find the yogic idea of sakshi (the witness) so helpful.

Through our practice, we learn to take the position of the witness: to observe what is happening in our minds without immediately believing or acting on every thought.

What is happening here? What am I protecting? Is there actually something to be afraid of, or is my ego trying to keep an identity safe?

The more we observe ourselves, the more clearly we can recognise when the ego is genuinely helping us and when it might simply be trying to protect the identity we have created.

When the ego becomes busy protecting our identity, it can easily create separation. We might compare, judge, compete or try to prove ourselves, forgetting that everyone around us is navigating their own fears, insecurities, successes and failures too.

Do you really think anyone in a yoga class has completely figured life out? That anyone truly has all their ducks in a row? I don’t they would be here if that was the case :)

Perhaps when we loosen our grip on the identities we have created, we can see ourselves and each other a little more clearly.

Not through who is more successful, knowledgeable or confident, but simply as people who are all trying to figure things out.

We don't need to lose our individuality. But perhaps we can remember that underneath all the identities, achievements, failures and fears, we are all navigating this life together.